Broke in a new doctor today down at the clinic. Third one in two years. The first one was very cool. He got shipped to Chapel Hill. The second one, a sweet young lady from India graduated from high school and is now learning to be a real doctor at Baptist. The fresh recruit I call “The New Guy”
The New Guy
[NG] Your blood sugar is 139. That’s good.
[W4] Thanks. Now I have to tell you that my back is killing me. Has been for years. Two days a week I can’t walk more than five minutes before the pain is similar to jamming a tungsten welding stick straight up my spine into the back of my head.
[NG] Why don’t you hop up on the table for a minute.
Proceeds to bash about on my spine.
[NG] Does this hurt?
[W4] No. It hurts when I walk. Twice a week.
[NG] Well there’s not a lot I can do. The thing about back surgery is that after a couple of years you have to do it again.
[NG] Yes. Have you tried lying down when it hurts?
[W4] In the middle of traffic? Actually, lying down is not recommended. Could make it worse.
[NG] Who told you that?
[W4] Doctor Google.
[NG] Don’t believe anything you read on the internet.
[W4] How old are you?
[NG] Twenty four.
[W4] So advice from a multitude of published physicians twice your age who specialize in spinal injuries; what the other real live doctors told me when I was in spinal rehab at St. Joes in Burbank and countless anecdotal testimonies from patients should be discounted.
[NG] You can ask for a different doctor if you want.
New Guy walks out.
[W4] Gee. Thanks. Good luck on your mid terms.